I think I died a long time ago.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
