so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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