Cold hands, warm shart.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
