Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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