shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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