Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
