So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
