I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
