We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
