Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
