New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
