dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
