Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
