Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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