Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
