I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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