the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
