I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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