you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I did not marry a roomba.
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