Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
