You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
