I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
