At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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