the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
