I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
