we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
