I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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