I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize