good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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