y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
