He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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