Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
