theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
