a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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