just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
