the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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