): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
