Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
