Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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