Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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