I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
