Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
