According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
