So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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