Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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