Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
