You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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