My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
