you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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