If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
