Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
