I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's always time for handjobs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
