her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
