That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
