Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
