She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize