Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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