we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
