i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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