Duck Duck Cougar?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
