I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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