i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
