I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
