Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
