at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
