yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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