rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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