Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
