And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
