how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
