the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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