Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
