we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
