He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
