were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
