mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
