He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
