you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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