he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
