Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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