fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
