He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
