his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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