North Korea, Best Korea!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
