At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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