i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
