I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
