No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
