I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
