he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I supernannyed him into submission
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
