So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
