Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
