Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
