I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
3pm strippers are depressing
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
