Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
