is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
