Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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