where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
