If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
