Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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