a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize