nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
