I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
